Call me old but “going out” no longer excites me. It’s like a burden that falls upon on me when it’s somebody’s birthday or whatever – sorry. Though I still enjoy it occasionally when it’s good music or great food, but other than that, I am glued to my house or in my friends’ houses.
1- There’s no Netflix at bars, clubs, or restaurants.
I asked, they don’t have Netflix. I honestly do miss my favorite characters when I go out and they’re more fun than half the Lebanese population.
2- Avoid weird-ass conversations with people.
Your business-plans, cats’ lifespan, giving me advice about love-life, discussing politics pointlessly, or conspiracy theories about Gluten free food, sharing secrets about your sexual lives, and mostly gossiping, I would like to avoid all that. Unless you’re my best friend or friend, I will not force myself to listen to you telling me about the magic of the underwater world.
Have you ever blacked-out and then snapped back to reality in the middle of your black out, and wondered “how did I get here?” Well, I would like to avoid conversations that allow me to black out – My mother proven right yet again, don’t talk to strangers.
3- Skip stare-downs with bouncers.
He stared at me, I stared back, he stared back I frowned and wondered… is there puke on my face? I don’t get admission policies at clubs, if I am on the list I go if not I’d like to avoid this drama.
4- Don’t watch people on the table next to you taking 8277268937021390127 selfies/snaps.
I take pictures when I do go out. Pictures for “memories” that’s what I call them. Not a fucking photo album from 9 pm to 3 am. Get over yourselves, take a picture, take 10 pictures, take 1000 pictures, but stop making a fucking documentary about how you went out with your friends.
5- Home is where the good booze is.
Well call me an alcoholic or old, but if I want to drink I’d rather not drink the rubbing alcohol they serve at most bars. If you drink your whisky straight, you’ll know what I am talking about.
6- Ordering-in is like amazing.
Eating a burger legs crossed on the sofa… ah, the small joys of life.
7- Avoid valet-parking, at all cost.
I can’t deal. The whole side walk is for the valets? I swear it’s like I learned to parallel park for nothing, they don’t let me do it myself! I just want to avoid this whole drama.
8- Catch-up on things and Educate yourself.
Remember when we were kids and we used to get bored and find ways to play outside and discover things, well I do that to this day. Imagine, you can still discover shit and educate yourselves past the age of 10.
9- Schizophrenic Dj’s.
This bazar night, kharabish, ta2atish nights, have got to stop. It’s no longer new, it’s just plain annoying. I mean going from “eye of the tiger” to “te3la w tet3amar ya dar” is just not right people. I no longer know how to dance, is it like break it down or do you wanna move? You know what I mean?
10- You won’t smell like cigarettes after 10 minutes.
VENTILATE, like our mamas do.
And the best part of it all, people who rarely go out can always pin-point the best spots in Lebanon, where the music is good, the food is amazing, and the “fun” is real not like the fun in “stories”, but like great stories to tell. Oh, you learn to play board games and you can save up to travel too when you stay in.