Flash news: You’re not all Kim Kardashian, or Kate Middleton if you’re classy, so it’s okay if you don’t plan a wedding like theirs. And you’re not Kanye.
How am I, or anyone like me – a regular person with a desk job, supposed to be familiar or interested in planning a freakin’ wedding?
I am at that age where all my friends are getting married and so, I have an idea of how much work goes into planning what you call a ‘decent’ wedding in Lebanon, how much effort and how much money. With any regular not too over-the-top wedding costing around 40K nowadays, couples are actually jeopardizing their marriage for a loan a ‘wedding loan’; so they’d live up to people’s expectations when they don’t even have a house to live in.
The ‘wedding’ industry is booming like crazy:
If you consider the minimum:
Venues such as “Le Domaine de abouk”, the “chateau of hayeto”, and the “Circonfluge de blah blah” charge between 6 to 9K a night, excluding basics like tables and chairs or… sadly…power – which amounts to 10 or 12k depending on the venue. Decent food caterers charge a fee ranging between 70$ to 140$ per person. Photographers are at minimum charging 4k, add to that entertainment – which can be up to 1K for a sad 40-minute show, a dejà-porter prét-à-porter 2K dress- how tacky right?- cars rentals, “religious figure” fee, lighting – around 6K that is if you don’t want any fireworks, and chopping off 4K worth of flowers – for this amount they’re not roses surely. Don’t forget the hair-dresser and beauticians who once they hear ‘wedding’ charge you quadruple the amount they would usually charge for the same service, and the ever-so-sad FAKE-CAKE you have to buy so you can cut a cake at your wedding because god forbid you to want to cut a real cake.
I mean I am bad at math, but that looks like a lot of money for seriously, at best, 6 hours of fun. If you’re not a Kardashian, or whatever ‘insert rich Lebanese last name’, or daddy isn’t paying for it, you can’t possibly afford this extravagance – if you’re responsible – on your middle-class salary, unless you get married at 45 or work in diamond mining – which is awful too.
I get the ‘to each his own’ mantra, but then you invite your friends:
(To all those who invited me to their weddings this summer, I love you and I am sorry, I am definitely coming, but I have to say this.)
Your friends love you and you love them, but then there’s the liste-de-marriage and please don’t mistake this for me being cheap, but I now have to meticulously calculate the amount of money you spent to invite me and to equally reimburse you or a bit more… And it’s starting to feel like paying a ‘minimum charge’ at a club. So, if your choice of having a fairytale wedding wouldn’t have affected me I’d be quiet, but it’s the butterfly effect out here… and with 5 summer weddings, you’re running my summer vacations.
And no matter what you do, people are going to say you could’ve done better:
Because you’re Lebanese and that’s what Lebanese people do, they share opinions that you usually start with
“Ken 7elo ktir… BAS:
“1- Ma 3emlo men imet el 3alam
2- El ta2ess shob, min bya3mol 3erso bi 7zayran
3- El 3arous besh3a/el 3ariss mish 7elo
4- El akel mish tayeb
5- El ma7al mish mratab
Bas ken 7elo… eno 3eress metlo metel ghayro“
>>>> AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR SPENDING YOUR ENTIRE CAREER SAVINGS unless you’re a Kardashian, or whatever ‘insert rich Lebanese last name’, or daddy is paying for it, or you’re getting married at 45 or work in diamond mining – which is awful too.
Anyway, I’ve vented. I feel better. I mean, it’s practically our fault for agreeing to have these extravagant weddings in the first place that got prices so ridiculously high, and not the good kind of high, the bad trip kind. I am worried sick about planning my wedding, so I am calling it a birthday party. And honestly, even if I had a million to spend on my wedding, I wouldn’t do it because it’s a party… I’d spend it on traveling during my honeymoon and to buy fries, a lot of fries and I’d do good deeds with my mill too, and buy more fries. Ok, bye.