There’s nothing worse than feeling helpless, I think. The feeling that you really want to do something but there is no possible way that you actually can.
Yesterday I experienced a moment of helplessness. I am physically unharmed, I am fine, pretty good actually; and the incident was nothing “major”. Many have gone or are going through worse. But, still, yesterday I felt helpless and it made me very angry.
At around 6:30 pm, I was driving home, on an internal Jounieh Road. A double lane road that was made a one-way-street around a year ago — so it’s public knowledge by now that the road is a one-way street. When the light turned green, I stepped on the gas and out of nowhere a car came right at me. I was on the right side of the road, so instead of panicking I took my car slightly left, but not entirely since the light had turned green and cars were driving up on the left lane. I thought the car coming at me better crash into the side of my car than its hood. Cornered, the man stopped, cars were coming on the left side and I couldn’t just step on it and leave. Since you can understand that I was taken by surprise, I rolled down my window to explain to the man driving that he is going against traffic, politely. He then proceeded to call me a whore and an idiot. “A7be, ayre bi habalik ya 7mara, ya a7be blablabla”. So I got angry, naturally, since all I wanted to do was tell him that he was against traffic and that I was going to move but that he should watch out. But, he then started yelling and cursing at me, saying: “benzal bo2rtik atle, w bnik rabbik, blabla“, and punching his door with his fist to scare me, which made me even angrier. So I decided to corner him properly, because fuck it, so he couldn’t run and step out of his car. When I started backing up slowly, he said: “Khede ya charmouta” and hit my car with his before driving on the sidewalk and running away.
Ah, how gallant and brave.
So I parked aside to calm myself since I had begun to seriously shake and to check on my car. Minor scratch, from the sound, the idiot must have beaten his car up. It was a white Kia- Rio. I had no way of chasing him since he proceeded to go against traffic and I wasn’t going to do that. There was no way I could have taken his car plate number either or take a picture of him. So I thought, maybe I should drive around and find a policeman or traffic officer to report the incident and not allow the man to repeat his actions with someone else; but of course, my attempts were in vain since there was not 1 police or municipality official around – on a Sunday.
So I drove home and the man drove away. He could have been rushing to the hospital for all I know and I don’t care much for him or his reasons. But, I blame those who allow these incidents to happen, when offenders drive off freely because they have no law to fear. Anyway, if someone diagnosed with anxiety or panic attacks faced this man they would have been in serious harm.
I would not have written about this, but I can’t seem to forget what happened. I am sure it happens a lot and I am not special, hah. But still, we’re so scared of bullies, and “zo3ran” and even “harmful” refugees and so on, yet not one officer is there to protect us when we need them. So how do we defend ourselves? If the man had gotten out of his car, there would have been little chance for me to defend myself against him.
So, how do we protect ourselves when we’re simply driving the fuck home? Good thing that Karma’s a bitch.