We as Lebanese have no public etiquette, I am now 100% certain of that.
We have no idea how to coexist in public, while respecting each other and the place we’re at.
Why do I say that?
Well, one, because have you been to the airport? And two, because I went to some concerts this summer and during both concerts I wanted to hysterically yell at the people around me —Not Wael Kfoury concerts, just FYI.
Since, I’ve sworn never to attend any festival or concert in Lebanon again.
If it’s something underground with less than 200 attendees I’ll go, but if it’s attended by a good portion of the general public, I would rather stay home no matter who is playing – yes, even if the pope decided to shift careers and start a band and played in Lebanon; I’ll catch it on YouTube.
WHY? Because I have encountered these people.
1- The ones who never STOP TALKING.
If you’re attending a freaking concert, then you’re there for the music, aren’t you?
You’re not there with your friend who you probably saw 2 days ago to discuss your recent break-up, your niece’s sleeping habits, your hair extension, or your menstrual cycle. This is does not apply only to women, men also have the surprising capability to have an extremely long conversation about nothing, as well – all during a concert where an orchestra is playing.
I mean if you’re here to listen you should probably shut up. If you’re here only for the uncomfortable seats, go smoke your arguile for 5 hours and have this meaningless exchange of words elsewhere.
2- The ones who do not PUT THEIR PHONE DOWN.
I remember during a mashrou’ Leila concert a woman in front of me, sat resting her elbow on her knee, holding her phone up, recording a video for at least 50 minutes.
Do you think the film crew will run out of footage and go like “Oh let’s ask the woman in seat 54 who filmed everything on her iPhone, out-of-focus, while talking into the speaker over the music, to give us her FOOTAGE?’
You’re here to WATCH the performers. It’s distracting and annoying to have your phone in everyone’s face when they’re trying to watch. Also are you seriously going to watch that video, ever, in this lifetime? Or do you suppose the iCloud is somehow connected to the afterlife and you’ll see the video then? ANYWAY.
3- The ones who are NEVER ON TIME.
Everybody who knows me, knows I am late for everything. My boss has made peace with it, that’s how late I always am, consistently late and not proud, I seem to live in another time zone. But when a concert ticket reads 8:30 pm, I will be in my seat by 8:30 pm. I won’t be outside getting pop-corn, or peeing, or getting water, or making small talk, or just lurking outside the gates foolishly overdressed with a pretentious pompous attitude. I will be seated. Because, in a way, foolish me expects that the concert would actually start at 8:30pm. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the concerts don’t start later because the performers feel like it… maybe, just maybe, they start late because none of you takes their seats on time. Please sit the F. down on time. Respect the people who are on time and the performers who would like to do their jobs as planned.
4- The ones who would like to SMOKE IN MY LUNGS.
I mean if it’s a cigarette that takes a minute or two it’s fine, we’re in an open space. But, to the person who felt like a cigar… and lit it… and didn’t bother checking if anyone had a problem… you’re just an inappropriate ass. You’re not cool, you’re simply an annoying human being. I am not pedantic; I am simply amazed by most people’s degree of unjustified elitism.
5- The one who watch their OWN STORIES with the volume on.
I mean if you’re in bed after a night out, you’ve been drinking – Wassouf style – and you want to check what idiocy you’ve shared in your stories… it’s okay to watch your own stories. But when you’re at a concert, you film a video story, you post it… and then you decide to deliberately watch it with the volume on… and just ruin the current song by making everyone around you listen to the previous one from your phone… you’re just an insensitive jerk. If you have doubts about posting, don’t POST IT. It’s not earth shattering, it’s either meaningless or less meaningless, you should be able to predict this.
The list could go on:
- Those who decide to find their friend between 6000 concert goers, and stands hand in the air holding their phone up yelling Najwaaaaa, as if Najwa will hear you.
- Those who decide to take their seat during the freaking beginning instead of standing aside for a bit just so that people in the rows behind them can watch the opening.
- Those who think selfie sticks are still en vogue and try to take a photo with the stage… with like, the whole stage. You’re turning in-place with a stick in your hand. It’s not okay.
- Those who are either very cold or very hot and can’t stop saying it. WE GET IT. BRING A FREACKING JACKET JUST IN CASE.
- Those who think they can hit on you just because you’re at the same concert. “Eno men 7eb zeit el shi…” please la2.
- Those who think it’s perfectly fine to throw their trash under the seat of the person in front of them.
Eno jungle ya guys, 3eib walla 3eib.
Finally, every time I go out I remember why I don’t go out anymore. Long live the underground.