Well, this is not the kind of post where I’ll be telling you to create a Pinterest board and save all the things you’d like to have at your wedding. This is the kind of post that shares the truth about things that happen when you’re planning your wedding — especially if you’ve never dreamt of your wedding day, never really cared about having a wedding, never planned to get married… you get the point.
1- The Date: The moment you set your wedding date, everyone’s going to ask why?
Will it rain? Isn’t there an earthquake happening in China? Isn’t it the date the Mayans announced to be the end of the world? I got married in December, you can imagine why everyone had a problem with that. Everyone asked me why did I do this to them — with December being cold and wet in Lebanon and… the Holiday season. Also that I was limiting my venue options because closed venues with roofs are too mainstream. Complaints were many, it’s not like it’s the bride and groom who decide, it’s practically a group decision with you and your 100+ family members. Oh and then people trying to be positive saying “Yi eno ento special?” – Well, it was just because we wanted to get it over with.
2- The Place: Where will it happen?
En yi bas hek? En eno 3am betwafro… Well, we don’t really like the awkwardness of weddings — first dances, someone singing latino for no apparent reason, super loud parades, me dropping from the sky with wings, weirdly decorated hotel wedding venues, huge ass tasteless cakes etc. — it’s not for us. So, our wedding was a simple dinner at Sultan Ibrahim, after the ceremony, and a party after the dinner with Georges Nehmeh. Because honestly, the guy can get anyone dancing. None of the venues were privately booked and yes I wore the same dress the whole night until 4 am, why? Because I can. Our wedding was not about savings, it was mostly about planning a wedding we’d be comfortable attending.
3- The word you’ll hear the most: “2ousoul”.
It’s like there’s this secret guidebook or bible of “2ousoul” and it seems like an audiobook that everybody just reads to you out loud every time you tell them one of your plans.
1- “Mish heik bya3mlo carte, hayda el 2ousoul”
2- “Mish heik byelebso hayda el 2ousoul”
3- “Majbourin ne3zemon hayda el 2ousoul”
4- “Walaw el 3ariss mish jeyib bouquet lal 3arouss, hayda mish 2ousoul”
5- “Hayda mish 3eress…” hayda el ousoul.
I am not going to state everything because there are as many volumes of this book as the Harry Potter Book Collection and they’re all as nicely written as the 50 Shades of Grey Book Collection.
4- The Card. Mish 3al ousoul.
5- Your wardrobe. Mish 3al ousoul – I can see why they said that.
6- Your Chocolate Display. Mish 3al ousoul – needed more silicone stuck on chocolate.
7- You honeymoon plans: Lame – Yes, they even get an opinion about that.
Even if you planned a trip around the world, everyone will tell you it’s lame and you’ll move around too much you won’t like it. If you’re going to an island, it’s cliché. If you’re going to Europe: “Fikon trou7o kel el sene, eno mish special”. USA: “B3ide”. Japan: “Walaw”. SO, imagine everyone’s shock when we said that we’ll be going home after our wedding because we have so much work after the wedding and we can’t take this many days-off: “WALAW”. I’ve been practically living with my now husband for the past 3 years out of the 4 we were dating, we’ve traveled together many times, which caused major stress for everyone around us except us. Netflix and quiet were our honeymoon destination.
8- The priest sessions: Out of this world revelations.
This is not a matter of being a believer or not. It’s just a general observation on the church session we did with the priest before the wedding. We had a church ceremony because civil marriages are not performed in Lebanon, we couldn’t have a winter wedding in Cyprus, and our parents really wanted that and we had to give them this one.
So we sat with a priest for a couple of hours to sign the papers – which is divine since other do around 7 sessions of 3 hours. But I was told things like, don’t get a sperm from a sperm donor bank and in-vitro performed if you have troubles getting pregnant because what if the sperm is from a black man and you end up with a black baby… you’re not going to love him – talk about acceptance, tolerance, and the just general racism. I don’t know who is responsible for setting the topics in those sessions but it felt like sitting with a non-spiritual Mariam Nour.
9- Where are you going to live: IT’S NOT ENOUGH.
It seems like everyone wants to generally know if you bought an apartment or if your future husband bought one for you – for the sole reason of estimating his net worth. Truth is we’re lucky that my now husband owns a studio apartment we fixed up together over the past 3 years and we don’t intend to buy a bigger house immediately after the wedding. But, everyone was so sad for me since my apartment would be small and not like the obvious mansions – 10 sqm bigger than mine – they all live in. I would have never thought people would go into these details, the rudeness, but they do – so get your sarcasm ready.
Not a fake cake…shocking. My face looked the same… shocking.
10 – The day of the wedding: you’ll notice nothing.
Except for the unjustified jealousy of some people who’ll attend, you’ll notice nothing at your wedding. It might help if you’re very drunk, it helped me… a lot. I was very satisfied with my wedding choices, the food was good, the music and the alcohol were too, and I was surrounded by people I extremely love on that day… and some I didn’t know because our parents invited them. I genuinely noticed NOTHING but it was a beautiful day filled and with love and alcohol and that’s what mattered.
Generally, I would advise anyone to elope. But, If you have to plan a wedding, plan one that resembles you and what you like to do, not one that your family wants or “2ousoul” wants. Now I would like to thank — because I can and bloggers do that — my maid of honor for being there for during that day, Mummies Yummies, for the tastiest deserts, the art of boo, for the nicest wedding card, Pamela Sfeir, for fitting-in my last minute order, the best friends that were there for my nagging and my dog for adding so much awesomeness to this day, my family who came from around the world to be there and my parents for giving birth to me… – also my husband who practically planned everything when he noticed that planning is not my cup of tea or coffee.
Now… I have to go do the dishes… because I don’t have a maid… ouuuu exotic.